hypnagogia

I never do this. Never ever. Don't like overthinking poems. Don't like overanalyzing them. Kills their beauty. Your seems to be immune. Immortal. So I dare, and beg you forgiveness, if I misunderstood anything of what you shared, good sir.

1) is it too abstract?

Nah. I tried lucid dreaming and such kind of stuff. Playing with consciousness etc. It's really well written. Also tried. Never did half as good as you did.
Tastes like ... i don't know. Honey. You're clear. Lucid. Although your poem leads (if anywhere) where most dreams do : a damn opening to all imaginable things put in three most beautiful words i ever read "womb-like mind"

2) is it too short?

Nah, it's ok. Actually I'd even say there are too many words. Don't know what to withdraw though. Don't dare touching it myself.

3) does it make sense/what meaning can you get out if it?

Look 1. The feeling I get is frustration of trying to take a nap on a shiny day and being kind of "forced" to look at what happens to my mind. "Hypnagogia" is a damn good title. At the same time, it's smooth and fairy. Like a dream. Like you're looking at what's happening to you from the "pre-dream" state. Really, really well written as far as i'm concerned sir.

4) best/worst part and how to fix it?

I didn't see any problem with 'of percolating awe" although the sounds didn't really match up. Current version is good, previous was good as well.

While I'm at it, the sounds. In 2nd/3rd part "...hypnagogia before his / lucid state slumps / as he observes himself / slink back into his / womb-like mind". You're done with the "r"s after "before" even though it comes after "hypnagogia" (which is an awesome thing to me) so why coming back with an "r" at "as he observes himself" ?

Feels like the movement started two verses above is disrupted. Cut off. Broken. Feeling like a misunderstanding. That's probably the only "bad" thing in here.
The whole verse "as he observes himself". Wouldn't it be better if there was no more "him" after the lucid state slumped ? What if "he" turns into "one", impersonal self, something like that? I get the idea of, get the state he's in, but it's not what really happens : you're rather observing the body and feeling yourself hug the womb like mind. But. Whatever. This verse just feels like a ... like a stone in your shoes? <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/b/b…" width="15" height="15" alt="" data-embed-type="emoticon" data-embed-id="366" title=" (Big Grin)"/>
My english sucks big day, and I can't find an other word for "observe" without a "r" in it but that would turn out really great if you could manage to do it.


Best part ? The rest. The movement, the flow.. I might be getting it all wrong, but it's so good on every level, to me, that I felt like trying to help you out, sir.

5) anything else you want to say.

I'm all jelly you write this well. Gonna read loads of english books so my vocabulary sucks less and still be jelly.
Seriously : it's great.